Mother's Day Voices
Mother’s Day Voices
By Jennie Byers
Expectations are the bane of my existence. On Mother’s Day especially, they have ruined things on more than one occasion. Expectations on myself to be more, to do more, to rise to a perfect picture in my head of what I should be. Expectations I have on my family to make my day perfect. I picture in my head the heartfelt sentiments, the homemade gifts, the amazing surprises, the perfectly cleaned house, the beautifully sung odes to my awesomeness…and the list goes on. Ugh. Why would I want to hold myself, or them, to such a standard? Who ever said I had to be a perfect mother? Have I ever met someone who actually meets the standard I hold myself to? I open my mouth to say, “Yes, of course!” only to realize she only exists in the collective conscience of all the other amazingly imperfect women and mothers I know. And my poor family! Why would I ever want to subject them to the weight of having to meet the expectations in my head, often without me telling them what’s in there? I’m sorry guys.
I was thinking about all of this as I pondered this Mother’s Day, my 30th as a mother, and I wondered, “What voice am I listening to when I set all of these impossible standards for myself and my cute loved ones?” I would never tell another woman she had to meet the expectations I put on myself! I would never beat up another person’s heart and soul with the same energy I have mine over the years! I think about my Mom and see clearly the beautiful, wonderful, but obviously imperfect kind of mother she is and I love her all the more for her constant love and devotion. Whoever that voice is that invades my peace, that tells me that I’m not enough, that suggests to me if my family could just be perfect this one day of the year it might make everything better — THAT voice can just get out of dodge. Now. I’m not listening anymore.
I am finally old enough (and maybe wise enough, occasionally…when all the planets align and there’s a blue moon) to decide what voice I listen to between the walls of my own head. I am going to listen to the one who speaks truth. All those perfect ideals I yearn to be are wonderful if they motivate me to get up and try again, but they are not reality. I am choosing to be the voice in my head who cheers me on when I respond to a child with patience even when I’m tired, or actually makes a homemade dinner, or puts down my phone and goes outside to play with my kids. I’m going to be proud of me when despite being so tired that I’m literally half asleep in bed, I am able to listen and be there for a teenager who comes in and wants to talk. I’m going to tell myself, “You are enough!” “Look at the good you did today!” “I’m not waiting to be perfect, I love myself now!” “Keep trying, you have come so far!” I’m also listening to the voice that says, “That was a hard day, but it doesn’t define you. The desires of your heart are what matter. How can you do things differently next time?” If the voice is positive, gentle, and kind, I will listen.
I am also listening to truth as spoken by servants of God. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, a leader in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, spoke of the incredible parallels between imperfect women who bear children and sacrifice for them, and our perfect Savior, Jesus Christ, who bears our griefs and sorrows and sacrificed His life to save us from this world and perfect us. He summed up his talk with these words to mothers:
“‘Thank you. Thank you for giving birth, for shaping souls, for forming character, and for demonstrating the pure love of Christ.’ To Mother Eve, to Sarah, Rebekah, and Rachel, to Mary of Nazareth, and to a Mother in Heaven, I say, ‘Thank you for your crucial role in fulfilling the purposes of eternity.’ To all mothers in every circumstance, including those who struggle—and all will—I say, ‘Be peaceful. Believe in God and yourself. You are doing better than you think you are. In fact, you are saviors on Mount Zion, and like the Master you follow, your love ‘never faileth.’” I can pay no higher tribute to anyone.” (“Behold Thy Mother”, October 2015 General Conference)
To all my beautiful mother friends, if you are struggling to hear that positive voice, I’ve been there! You do not have to listen to the voices that would tear you down! Fill your mind and heart with the truth about you. Nobody else expects you to be perfect. Hear my voice in your head (not in a creepy way) and let me cheer you on! You are accomplishing great things! You are doing better than you think! You are exactly the mom your kids need! Look for evidence that you are becoming the mother you want to be. We don’t have to be perfect because we have a Savior whose joy it is to cover our imperfections with His grace and mercy. One day you’ll look back and see that if you’d been perfect from the beginning, you would have missed the whole point of the journey.
