Reflections on Living and Dying
Reflections on Living and Dying
By McKell Jackson
As we approach the first anniversary of my father’s passing, I’ve reflected a lot on the last year-- the first year without my father’s earthly presence. It’s been a year of sadness and longing, yes. But there has also been much growth and reflection, and I can’t say I’m sorry about that. I miss my Dad. I’ve grieved all the changes that we never wanted, missing his smile, laugh, and jokes. His voice. His wisdom. His hugs and pep talks. His father’s blessings. Missing knowing he and Mom are happy and secure-- together.
In the months immediately after his passing I was spurred to search out everything I could about angels and the spirit world. I needed to know where he was and what had happened to him. Though I’d been taught these things my whole life, I craved reinforcement in those early weeks. The focus on death and the afterlife is at times seen as a depressing or even grim obsession. But I felt the spirit pulling me on, leading me to stories, talks, and information that carried me through. And the process did not leave me feeling depressed-- I instead felt uplifted and inspired, hopeful and loved. This quote from Epictetus, a 1st Century Greek philosopher, inspired me too: “Let death be daily before your eyes…; and you will never entertain any abject thought, nor too eagerly covet anything.”
Dad’s passing gave a new perspective to this mortal life. As I pondered death, I also pondered the meaning of life. The prophet Joseph Smith said,
“All men know that they must die. And it is important that we should understand the reasons and causes of our exposure to the vicissitudes of life and of death, and the designs and purposes of God in our coming into the world, our sufferings here, and our departure hence. . . . It is but reasonable to suppose that God would reveal something in reference to the matter, and it is a subject we ought to study more than any other. We ought to study it day and night, for the world is ignorant in reference to their true condition and relation. If we have any claim on our Heavenly Father for anything it is for knowledge on this important subject.”
Knowing there is life after death gives purpose to our current situation. This year of reflection and study and grief has increased my desire to try a little harder, to be a little better. Dad’s life wasn’t perfect, but I had the privilege of watching him lean on the Savior through many challenges. He was an unfaltering example of loving the Lord and doing his best to be like Him. Dad’s imperfections give me hope that somehow I can shape this very flawed heart and mind of mine to resemble Him, even just a little. President Harold B. Lee put it simply, “What we are hereafter depends on what we are after here.” What are we focusing our time and energy on? What are our ultimate goals?
I know that angels are among us and that our loved ones do not leave us when they are gone. My mother often reminds us not to say that we “lost” Dad, because we didn’t. He is still very much part of our lives. I know it. I’ve felt it. President Joseph F. Smith declared,
“I believe we move and have our being in the presence of heavenly messengers and of heavenly beings. We are not separate from them. . . . Therefore, I claim that we live in their presence, they see us, they are solicitous for our welfare, they love us now more than ever.”
As a great tender mercy to us here on earth, the Lord occasionally gives us glimpses into, or communications from, the spirit world. These experiences are held sacred to those who have them. When shared, they offer insights into where our loved ones are and what they may be doing. I’ve enjoyed reading many of these “glimpses” and find comfort in picturing Dad hard at work, continuing to serve as he did on earth. In his book, The Gateway We Call Death, Russell M. Nelson shares,
“Each time I attend a funeral, I see tears of sadness occasioned by separation from a loved one. . . . Often [questions are asked] pertaining to the whereabouts of their dear one. There seem to be more questions than answers. How thankful we are that the Lord has revealed important information to satisfy our yearnings to know more about the future--act three of our drama of life (pg. 78).”
My children often request that we sing the song “Angel Lullaby” from the musical My Turn on Earth. I love the simple statement to “sleep, sleep, till the darkness ends, guarded by your angel friends.” Who else would these friends be, but our loved ones who have passed on? It’s such a powerful visual and a comfort to myself and my children.
Ultimately what I have learned in the last year is not to fear death. Jonathan Swift said,
“It is impossible that anything so natural, so necessary, and so universal as death should ever have been designed as an evil to mankind.”
In some ways, we can even look forward to death. I know as my Dad passed through the veil**, he was greeted by his parents and sisters and friends, a joyous reunion I wish I could have witnessed. When my time comes, I know that my greatest joy would be to have worn out my life in the service of God, to hear Him say, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant.” (Matthew 25:21)
Russell M. Nelson said,
“Our Creator divinely designed our pathway. We were not destined to be stranded in mortality forever. Such an arrest of our progression would completely thwart God’s ‘great plan of happiness.’ (Alma 42:8).”
The experiences of this life are for our benefit and learning. They were never meant to be easy. I am grateful to know that in a future day I will rest from earthly cares and be reunited with those I miss. Saying a temporary goodbye to Dad has been beautifully difficult, but I’m so grateful for the peace and clarity that has accompanied my family this last year.
“When I leave this frail existence,
When I lay this mortal by,
Father, Mother, may I meet you
In your royal courts on high?
Then at length, when I’ve completed
All you sent me forth to do,
With your mutual approbation
Let me come and dwell with you.”
-- Eliza R. Snow, “O My Father,” Hymns, no. 292
**Elder Neal A .Maxwell stated: “We define the veil as the border between mortality and eternity; it is also a film of forgetting which covers the memories of earlier experiences. This forgetfulness will be lifted one day, and on that day we will see forever–rather than ‘through a glass darkly’ (1 Cor. 13:12). (Ensign, Oct. 1980, p. 31)”
What is this Thing that Men Call Death? by Brent L. Top
The Play and the Plan by Boyd K. Packer
